"We're America, bitch!"—The unofficial Trump Doctrine submitted by
BREAKING Donald Trump announced on Twitter that his top economic adviser Larry Kudlow suffered a heart attack
and is being treated at the Walter Reed Medical Center.
"We're America, Bitch" —Abraham Lincoln It’s hard to imagine President Trump doing a more efficient job of unwinding the western alliance,
and forging a new one between the United States and authoritarian regimes around the world, than he did this past weekend at the G-7 summit. Trump capped off the weekend by launching a nasty, but typical-for-Trump Twitter attack on Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau,
and reneging on his commitment to sign a bland joint statement of shared G-7 goals, after Trudeau repeated his objections to Trump’s imposition of tariffs on Canadian steel and aluminum. After claiming that Trudeau had stabbed Trump in the back, and literally suggesting Trudeau would burn in hell,
his advisers let on that the purpose of the broadside was to strengthen Trump’s hand
in negotiations with North Korean leader Kim Jong Un. Because nothing says “trustworthy negotiating partner” like completely disregarding terms you agreed to hours earlier. Trump used the summit to advocate for Russian interests—including for readmitting Russia to what was once the G-8
before allies expelled Russia for invading Crimea. He left the G-7 summit early to get to Singapore for his meeting with Kim. Trump has already toyed with the idea of a second summit
with the North Korean dictator, and said
he hopes that after meeting Kim this week, “we’ll have liked each other.” If all goes well, they’ll be binge-watching Ballers by the second date. On Monday, The Atlantic quoted a senior Trump official describing the Trump doctrine as “we’re America, bitch.”
As stupid as that is, an equal opportunity disrespect for all foreign nations would actually be an improvement on the foreign policy Trump is actually advancing: “we’re America, bitch” when it comes to the alliance that has maintained peace in the west for 75 years, paired with lenience for autocrats who flatter and are willing to enrich him.
Kim Meets Dim By the time we send this newsletter, the Trump-Kim summit will have begun. Experts doubt that genuine denuclearization of the Korean peninsula is truly on the table—
and suspect that the whole pageant is a hyped up meet-n-greet. That would fit Trump’s usual pattern of caring more about putting on a show and entertaining the press than, you know, doing anything. To underscore how superficial this event appears to be: But hope springs eternal for those of us at Crooked Media who don’t want to get nuked!
We’ll have a much clearer sense of how on point the experts are tomorrow. Or, you know, we’ll all be dead.
What Else Attorney General Jeff Sessions has ordered immigration judges to block victims of domestic or gang violence from seeking asylum in America
—a change that will affect thousands of migrants, primarily women. According to the Trump administration, Latin American gang violence is a massive, deadly threat to people in the U.S. but not something people from other countries might legitimately flee from. Because what our immigration system needs is more cruelty. In a 5-4 decision, the Supreme Court upheld Ohio’s practice of purging voter rolls of people who have not recently voted.
Since 2011, Ohio has purged more than two million voters
, and this decision could accelerate purges in as many as six other states ahead of the midterm elections. From Dan Pfeiffer:
Making it harder for people to vote is one of the most self-destructive things a democracy can do. Net neutrality officially expired today,
meaning internet service providers will be allowed to block or slow service to certain sites while increasing speeds of others by charging businesses and/or consumers for access to a “fast lane.” Twenty-nine states
have introduced bills to keep provisions in place regardless of federal rules. This is especially bad news for anyone who uses the internet to find a job or apply to college or literally anything else. There are career staffers in the White House who are paid to tape together papers Trump has read and ripped apart because he can’t break his habit of destroying documents after he’s read them
(cc: Robert Mueller). By law, the White House has to preserve all documents that Trump comes into contact with for the National Archives under the Presidential Records Act, but Trump is famously bad at following laws. Probably because he tore them up. Many high-ranking Russian officials reportedly met with NRA officials over the course of the 2016 election,
a discovery that stems from a Justice Department investigation of whether Russia used the organization to illegally funnel money to the Trump campaign. Russia and the NRA working together to help Trump is basically the opposite of Justice League. Tomorrow’s primary day in Maine, Nevada, North Dakota, South Carolina, and Virginia.
You know what to do (and if you don’t, go here
) → While they were both serving in the White House last year, Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner reportedly made more than $82 million in outside income.
Who says public service isn’t good business? Bitcoin crashed by more than 10 percent after a crypto exchange in South Korea got hacked.
Check in on your weird friends and cousins to see how they’re handling it. Ariana Grande and Saturday Night Live’s Pete Davidson are reportedly engaged,
and I can guarantee you Brian doesn’t know who either of these people are, but it’s ok, that’s why we make him read this newsletter. IHOP is pivoting to burgers. Rooty tooty
Look No Further than the Crooked Media On Lovett or Leave It:
Erin Gibson, Bryan Safi, Brenda Gonzalez, and Professor Kimberly West-Faulcon join Jon Lovett to discuss the DOJ’s refusal to defend Obamacare, the primaries, and JR Smith. Plus, Bryan and Jon develop some very exciting straight-guy characters. Listen
→ ALSO, It's the very last day of our SALE,
so you should get your hands on that $15 logo t-shirt while you still can because it is the softest article of clothing you will ever own.
You've Gotta Be Fucking Kidding Me Florida failed to review the results of national background checks on the tens of thousands of people who applied for concealed weapons permits for over a year
because the employee in charge of them couldn’t log into the system. This means that for more than a year, Florida issued concealed weapons permits to people who potentially had records
of mental illness, drug addiction, violence, and more, because one employee likely FORGOT HIS FUCKING PASSWORD.
What In The World? This Thursday, the FIFA World Cup will begin in Russia, kicking off a month of soccefootball hysteria basically everywhere in the world, except the United States.
But strangely enough, Russia’s bid to host this year’s tournament features a familiar face for anyone keeping tabs on U.S. politics/the pee tape—Christopher Steele. More good news:
You don’t even have to pretend to care about soccer, or learn any embarrassing chants, because the U.S. didn’t qualify for this year’s World Cup. Whatever, we’re not allowed to have nice things again until we can prove we won’t elect sociopaths anymore. Read
What A Sponsor! Hey, guess what? We’re switching to the Cash App,
the best way to send and receive money. Download it now, use the code PODSAVE, and you get five dollars, plus five dollars goes to Moms Demand Action. That’s money for you and money for gun control. GOOD. We’re not using the other apps anymore →
On Trump's TiVo A FOX & Friends host accidentally said the summit between Trump and Kim Jong Un is a meeting of "two dictators.”
Even a broken, racist clock is right twice a day.
Enjoy Wendy's on Twitter: "Not really afraid of the burgers from a place that decided pancakes were too hard."
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